Introduction: In my introduction I changed a couple things. Mainly just rewording sentences so it flowed more, and changed up part of my intro hook. I was missing parts in my thesis that I changed to create more of an argumentative essay and helped the reader to understand what I will be talking about in the intro. I also added an I say statement at the bottom of the intro to express my opinion and help to understand my view throughout the essay.

Evidence and Explanations: I added more explanations to the body paragraphs and the arguments I was making throughout the essay. Along with better word choice and going back and rewording. I did not add anymore quotes, due to the fact they already fit well within the essay and helped to back up my argument. Another part in the essay I added was more I say statements to get my point across to the reader. This helped to add more to the essay along with creating an opinion throughout the essay.

Reorganization- I moved one quote in the essay to help make it flow better. My sentence before was building up to the quote and I ended it then plopped the quote in afterwards so I switched the wording and made the quote integrate with the text that I already had. I also got rid of sentences that were repeating to help make my case more clear instead of just dragging on the essay.

New Paragraphs- I did not have new paragraphs, but this essay is longer than my first draft. I added in more I say statements at the end of every paragraph to help add more words. This also helped to keep my opinion going throughout the text and to help the reader understand what exactly I am thinking when writing this.